Can't see beyond what is

my beautys coming back and i dont know why i cant just like guys - they’re the only ones who ever treated me with respect

I have given up drink and I’m trying to quit cigarettes, but you know what - fuck it! When I was a kid I used to have parents look at me and judge me as if I were the bad kid - when infact their spoil t  ‘golden’ children were the most retched of them all.

I have scars because Im nice - they have perfect skin because they ate up the competition. 

I feel angry all of the time - about the loss of my once lovely skin, about the relationship that I have with my mother and the boys who Alix is going to destroy.

I get scared sometimes; for the twins. I truly believe that I would kill for them. I was beaten up by my friends mother when I was seven and, come to think of it, I’d probably beat up a child for them too. 

I’m frurious constantly and thats the way it has to be - in order to protect the childhood of the twins and to keep them happy for as long as possible.

My mothers too concerned with spreading her legs to truly give a shit about them - and she getting jealous of them now that she old and fat, so ill have to keep an eye out on her too. 

I cant trust anyone anymore and I have to resort to violence. It’s the only way I can survive and live independently. 

I think Im moving on; from the fist fights, from the blade fights and the heart-break. Its building up inside my chest and its ready to boil over.

I never should have attended tile hill wood - it was bullshit, all of it. Im grey - my skin is covered in scars and im emotionally fucked.

My mother cried when she first saw my scars and I hate remembering that time - because she had hit me before - so what was the difference between a permanent and a semi-permanent impression. She had given me red marks and bruises, so why not a fucking sliced up arm?

The world is full of child abusers who justify it and you’ve basically got to stay away from the alcohol, sluts and rapists. 

I haven’t had a difficult life - it’s been a fucked-up fairy tale, with lesbian lovers inbetween.